What might have been.

Yesterday was 6 months since M has been with us. 6 months marks the day we could have started the adoption process (in our state they have to be in your home 6 months even if they are legally free for adoption) Also yesterday was a very important court case that the conclusion to should have had us jumping for joy. Yesterday should have been one of the best days of our lives. Instead, it was a regular Friday.

However on our 'regular' Friday, it was delightful Forks weather. I had a great talk with  Brandy. We carved pumpkins amid laughter. We watched Gulliver's Travels as a family. I window shopped on Amazon for Christmas. I made delicious stuffed shells. M was in a great mood and was being adorable. We had a successful trip to Walmart. I worked on CubScouts and got to see all the strides the boys are making. Johnny made it home safely. It was a good day. Sure it could have been a million times better, but I refuse to let his inevitable goodbye ruin all the good memories from now until then.

We are surrounded by an amazing support system. When I think back about 6 years ago, we had so very little true people. Today, I can't even go to Walmart without finding someone who wants to offer their love and support. It really does make it easier. We love you all.

ASL

So, I've been doing some thinking. I really want to expand my brain. I teach my kids nearly every day. I teach 4th, 2nd, and K. My brain is not being challenged all that much. I thought about taking a class. I love to learn. To take a single class at our local community college is over $350.00 plus books! So I've been looking into something else. I speak a bit of Spanish, but not well enough to communicate with anyone over the age of 5. Then it came to me. I want to learn to sign. I don't know any deaf people, but I think it would be a challenge to learn how to communicate. It's a language and it's learning something new. I'm going to be looking into ways to learn, books, online classes, and local classes. I'm really excited!

Times, they are a'changing.

Well this is the last two weeks of M being solely my son. Visitations start in November and it's the beginning of the goodbyes, one at a time. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to drop him into the arms of someone else and just walk away. Sure, I've done it two times before, but this is so very different. For 5 months we were sure we were adopting him and the clear out of left field, we're not.

Awhile ago someone beautiful gave me a wonderful compliment. She said that I foster care unselfishly. I truly want what's best for my babies. I knew without a doubt Little Miss would thrive in a home as a single child. And boy is she! Baby J is doing wonderfully. He honestly should have never been in our home. His grandparents called a mere two hours after he was placed in care and then had to wait 8 months to get their grandchild back. I love my babies! I miss my babies, but they are where they are supposed to be. All that to say: I want to be selfish. I want to hide him in my arms. I want him to stay with us. That was MY plan and I want to stamp my foot and whine until I get my way. I know there is a plan here. I cannot see it yet. I read a great book that was talking about Bible "characters" and how we as readers know the end of their story. But they weren't just characters. They were real people living real lives. They were in the midst of messes like none I've ever seen. They didn't know that their trials would be read and understood and be an encouragement to millions over two thousand years later. They didn't know how their story would end. They just trusted. I have to trust.

I have to trust that there is a greater plan here. I have to have faith that in the midst of my heart breaking there will be peace. I have to believe that there is a reason for all of this, goodbye. So in the middle of this mess, I will trust!

I'm back.

Finally! My computer got liquid spilled on it, via "it wasn't me". While I was able to get it working the letter 'i' and 'u' and several numbers were not working. It was really hard to do anything without those letters. Too bad it wasn't a q and z. Oh well, out with the old and in with the new! My friend-in-law did some research and found me a wonderful new computer that I love! So I'm back in the blogging world with lots to say. I have several blogs in my head, but for now, I'm back!

More Lost Than Found By Jared Herd (book review)

More Lost Than Found--Finding A Way Back To Faith by Jared Herd was given to me as a complimentary copy via BookSneeze.com.

Jared starts this book with his back story. His story of growing up Christian and being baptized by his pastor, who was also his father. His story takes a turn early in his life when he pastor/father is found out to be an adulterer. His view of Christianity is shattered. He puts away his faith "like an artifact of childhood into a parents attic".

Coming into young adulthood Jared breaks the "fishbowl" approach to Christianity. Moving away from legalism and into a relationship with Christ.

Jared uses many common references to grab his readers attention. Facebook, music and food are all used. This book is very well written and an easy read with many real life examples. While, I did read and enjoy the book, I believe it was written for a slightly younger audience than my 30 years.

If I was a college student struggling with my faith, this would be a huge eye opening book. It it my opinion every person leaving home should take a copy of this book with them. Once free of their parents opinion of church, a very large percentage of late teen-early 20's people leave the church. This book looks at the "why" of this event happening in mass proportion.

Finding a way back to faith is an amazing journey and very well thought out.

ABC's of Thankfullness

The last chapter of my Bible study had an assignment. It said write from A-Z everything for which you have thanks. This was my list:

A--apples, crispy green ones
B--books and my oh so comfy bed.
C--cats that like to purr
D--denim jeans
E--elephants with their trunks up
F--frogs, but I hate them, but I love how they make my boys laugh
G--guests over for dinner
H--hair clips that hold all my hair
I--ice cream
J--journals, looking for them and finding the perfect one
K--kites flying on a spring day
L--Lysol
M--My M baby
N--nests in my crystal bowl and how excited the kids get when they find one
O--Ohio State jerseys from Aunt Tepie
P--purple (just about anything)
Q--quilts on a cold night
R--rabbits running through the yard
S--Sons of Anarchy
T--Twilight
U--umbrellas, especially fun bright ones
V--Vix baby vapor rub
W--watermelon on a summer day
X--(this one stated to insert anything) MY FAMILY and FRIENDS
Y--yogurt
Z--zebras and my memories of them and Brandy

Shows I'm Loving Right Now.

I don't watch TV on TV anymore, I love Netflix and Hulu. Sons of Anarchy, my friend Charity has been trying to get me to watch this for a long time. During the summer I was bored and it was on Netflix and I watched. Oh, it's so good. The story line is really interesting and nothing like I would normally like. I even bought season 3 on Amazon because I couldn't stand waiting for it to come to Netflix.

The latest show that I'm watching and devouring is Mad Men. For so long I was under the impression that this was a 20's era gangster show. Not so much. Brandy and Jermaine have been on me to watch this one. For once I agree with them. It's about the men of an ad agency in 1960. It's sexist and racist and very authentically done. The acting is amazing and the clothes, oh the clothes. I'm in love with them. I love that the women are pre-Twiggy era. They are curvy and beautiful! If my life ever becomes a movie, I want Joan Holloway to play me. That might be conceded! LOL.

Also, an old favorite is back on the air! Parenthood. I just really like this show. It's realistic and the acting is awesome! I think the kids are fabulous! I have loved Lauren Graham since Gilmore Girls and she's great in this show to (even if she cries too much)

Well that's it. Does anyone have anything else that I should be watching?  

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13

 Addison Road, Hope Now

I cannot get into detail, but I have to share, there has been a development through no ones fault at all, and M will not be staying here. There is the tiniest chance, but I honestly don't think it will happen. We still have some time with him, but he will be moving on. I really don't have words, I'm not angry, just sad. The situation is the best I could think of, if he did have to leave. But that doesn't stop my heart from cracking each time I think of the goodbye. On a humorous note, if this story ever becomes a bad Lifetime Movie, I want Christina Hendricks (a la Mad Men) to play me.