Another Name on the Family Tree. Part 2

So I'm just going to post these blogs after Ladybug gets here. I'm not going to edit because, well I'm just not. We got the official call last night. She's coming on Thursday evening instead of Friday. So our wait is a bit shorter.

I asked Sam last night if he was excited about her coming. He said "I just keep thinking about what she looks like." He's going to be a good big brother. They all are. If Little Miss was any indication, Ladybug will be spoiled in just about two hours!

So my Thursday will consist of getting M ready. Packing him. Having therapy and then driving him home. As of right now, I do not know if this will be our last goodbye or not. It would work out perfectly, but whatever happens will happen. I drop him off at 1:30 and pick Ladybug up at 5:30. So I very well my be saying goodbye to my little love and hello to a new love all in the same day.

We did a training session on how to say hello and how to say goodbye. I'm pretty sure we didn't cover how to do both in the same day. It will be interesting.

My heart is conflicted. Thankfully God gives it room to be broken and whole at the same time. Broken over telling the M goodbye. The baby I've had since he was 35 days old. The baby that will turn a year old next week. The newborn I rocked to sleep, had in a bassinet in my room, did a year of physical therapy with, saw learn to laugh, crawl, sit and stand. The baby I cheered over when he picked up a cheerio and clapped his hands. The baby boy I loved and was sure was mine for nearly 7 months until we learned he was to take another path to his forever family. Oh, how I'll miss that boy.

At the same time, and in the same heart, I'm overjoyed to get Ladybug into our home. To help her regain motor skills. To help her tone her muscles. To give her a home of children to play in and parents who will dote on her and encourage her. Not to mention I get to buy purple again!

My poor conflicted heart and mind. I'm trusting God in this. I'm not thinking ahead despite what the social workers say. I'm ready to enjoy a new little soul. I'm not sure how I'm ready, but I sure am!