A year ago.

Very nearly a year ago, I had to sit in that little visitation room with my baby boy. Social Worker knocked on the door and said "they're here, are you ready?" I nodded, not able to talk. I hugged my boy tight and whispered that I was sorry. They walked in, cried, loved on him. I held it together. I answered their questions. I left that room and darted for the bathroom. Into a paper towel, I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Then I remembered that I didn't ask whether they were going to drive him home or if I needed to pick him up. I was not going to walk back into that room. So I stood in the hallway with a tear streaked cheeks. Finally Supervisor walked out and asked if I was okay. I sobbed, "NO". Got my question answered. I made it to the car and got the car only to the back of the parking lot and had to stop. Sobbed. My boy was only gone for an hour, but I knew it was the beginning of the end. Over the next few months I got to know his family and we started overnight visits and then we split the weeks. Finally it was time to say goodbye. I held it together and handed my boy over. Sitting here sobbing a year ago, I never thought I could have this joy! I never had a glimmer of how overjoyed we'd be. This is a happy place!

Middle Name Conundrum

Darling Hubby is not a fan of the hyphenated middle name. Here's my theory. I have three sons. NONE of them are named Ryan, no one liked. Later, they said "Oh, it's not bad, you should have fought for it". So three sons, 6 names, none of them Ryan. So I think Baby M should have whatever middle name I choose. None of them are weird or crazy. And I wouldn't yell out all of them, just the first one. This is probably my last chance to name a baby after my dad. My mom has Lee and my brother has Tyler. My dad has Danielle with the granddaughter, but not with any grandson. I love Daniel, God is my judge. I also want to name him after his birth father, which is the middle name we've been using, I want it to stay around, also I love my husband's name, John, which is also M's brother's name. So I'm thinking....

M------John Daniel Lawrence Anderson.  Yeah, I know it's a lot. But how often do you need your middle name. It would be M------John for the most part and if hyphenated his middle initial would just be J.

So am I crazy. I'm thinking the same thing for Ladybug as well. I'm not overly fond of her name, but it's cute and it'll work. I do not like her middle name at all. I asked her aunt and it has no significance. Both of her maternal grandparents are gone, so I wanted to make sure it wasn't for them. It's not. I have some ideas, but they will be a surprise, so I'm not asking if I'm crazy.

4 weeks!

 In 4 weeks I'll be closing my eyes on the West Coast in my favorite place. Forks and The Miller Tree Inn.  4 days of people cooking for us, making our beds. 4 days of the nicest people I've ever met. 4 days of beaches, woods and walks. 4 days alone with my husband. I CANNOT wait.

Wednesday Letters...

Dear Gator Boys,
You're awesome. However, I don't need my kids diving in after gators. Your warnings need to address SAMUEL DO NOT DO THIS AT HOME OR ANYWHERE ELSE.

Dear Forks and The Miller Tree Inn,
4 weeks my dear. We'll be there in 4 weeks and I cannot wait.

Dear Angry Birds,
I have no idea what you are. My kids are currently obsessed with you. They are drawing you and making you out of playdoh and saving money to buy things with your image. It's giving me a lot of quiet time. Thanks.

Dear Women of Faith,
So excited to see you and everyone performing!

Dear Heat,
Leave us alone, Johnny has to work out in you all day and he's hot and tired.

Dear New Therapist,
Please save my sanity tomorrow.

Dear Chick-fil-A,
I'll never give you up.

Dear Cyclone Fan,
You are awesome and totally worth the money! I'm sad I can't pack you in my bag for Women of Faith and Forks. Might cause some havoc at security.

Dear Mom and Dad,
What's happening to you. Chickens, bunnies, goats, grandkids? You're growing younger.

Dear "Temporary" Hair Dye,
You win, please wash out now. I liked the dark hair for a minute. Now I'd like my red hair back.

Dear Hair,
Seriously, you never hold color, now is not the time.

Dear Scale,
You suck. That is all.

Dear Country Music,
I've enjoyed our sing along this summer. You are cranking out some good stuff.

Dear Little Ones,
Please slow down. You're my last babies (I think) Stop getting so big so fast.

Love,
Me

Random Facts....

I am stealing these questions from Steph's page! That and I'm bored and don't want to mop the floor.   1. If you could be prettier, funnier, or smarter, which would you choose?I wouldn't mind being smarter in some aspects of life. I can have a hard time retaining information, I have to go home and look it up again to answer. I'd like the answers to stay in my head.  2. Which fictional character do you most relate to?I really don't know, any ideas???   3. What is your favorite guilty pleasure book of all time?Twilight and Harry Potter. I'm also loving Pretty Little Liars...  4. What is your nerdiest trait?I sing out loud in the store, well not loud, but to myself and sometimes people glance at me. When I have the babies it's okay, when I don't, well there's a reason I'm on pills.   5. If you could spend the rest of your life in one location, where would it be?FORKS! Or somewhere around there. Or Stars Hollow, but that's fictional.
  6. Describe your family in one sentence. Growing!  7. What is one skill you'd like to perfect in the next 10 years?Cooking, I'd love to be able to cook without recipes.    8. If you went to college, what was your major? Are you happy with your choice?Liberal Arts. I wanted to be a teacher. I am doing that without student loans! Awesome  9. What food could you eat every day and never get sick of?Crabs.   10. What is one thing in life you'd really like to be successful at?That I can turn these little people into great members of society. That they love Jesus and help the helpless and are never afraid to do good.   11. How would you describe your interior decorating style?Vintage. I'd love a vintage home. For now, I'll collect small pieces at a time.

Bliss List

Over at Liv Lane we have been encouraged to write a bliss list. Won't you join us.

1. My hubby bought me an awesome new camera for my birthday. I've been dropping hints forever, but never thought he'd do it. We're taking a trip in 5 weeks and I really wanted a new camera before we left. It's beautiful. I'm considering taking a class just to learn how to use it properly!

2. We had court yesterday. Of course I can't say much about it. But my heart is a little lighter and my world is a little more sunshine and lollipops and rainbows.

3. Ladybug is finally getting the help she needs. Hopefully we'll figure out what is going on with her hearing and learn how best to help her!

4. The new painting that The Abstract Bedouin made for me for my birthday. I love love love it. She's also adding Ladybug's name to our family tree painting.

5. You can't mention bliss without this cake! My friend made it for my birthday. Carmel Hershey Kisses Cheesecake.......oh so good.

Liebster Award.

Stephanie over at Halfway to Somewhere  nominated me for the Liebster Award. It's fake and has something to do with having less than 200 followers. You have to answer questions. I like questions. So I'm doing it :) If you have less than 200 followers, consider yourself nominated and play along. 

11 Questions
1. If you could be friends with any celebrity, who would it be and why?

Reese Witherspoon, I've just always liked her and I think she would be fun to hang out with. Or Kellan Lutz, for obvious reasons.
 
2. Why do you blog?
It keeps me sane.

3. If facebook was deleted today, what would you do?

Keep my real life friends and hunt down my facebook friends email addresses.

4. What food can you not stand?
Peas, squashes, "country food" fried chicken/gravy/fried most anything.
 
5. Where is your favorite place in the world?
Forks, 7 weeks!

6. What's the funniest thing that's ever happened to you?
Oh there's so many. I make a fool of myself on a regular basis.

7. What is your favorite season?
Early Summer/Early Fall....I like 75 and low humidity anytime of year.

8. What is your favorite blog to read?
I follow a lot, but I love Backwoods Mom. I want to be friends with her.

9. How often do you exercise?
Next.

10. What day is today?
Monday.

11. What your favorite Justin Beiber song? *Sorry, I was running out of ideas, and he was just on Good Morning America.

I don't know any other than Baby Baby Baby.....