This is Brandy and I in High School. We are 16, it's Spring Break. We're at her new house in Charlotte.Today I went into a high school. With high school students milling about. I had to check in with a security guard. I had a yellow visitors tag with my picture printed. I proceeded to walk to the main office. I was having an out of body experience. I haven't been around that many high schoolers since I was in high school. Since I was that girl in the picture. It was surreal. I felt small, like a freshman next to a senior on the first day of school. The girls all seemed so put together, their hair straighten or perfectly curled. Their makeup, flawless. Their outfits out the pictures in magazines. We DID NOT look like that in high school. To be honest, this picture above is a very very nice one. Mostly, I think I looked a mess. I don't remember taking much time before school to get ready. I certainly didn't look like I stepped out of Glamour magazine. Then there were the boys, all shaggy haired and rough housing. I had to jump to the side to avoid them. They seemed the same as when I was in school.
I accidentally walked into the counselors office instead of the main office. When I say office, I mean giant room with lots of little rooms. At least four counselors doors shut "in session" the one open door hosted a young girl in tears "I'm not a whore, I've never done anything, yet they always call me a whore." I heard this as I walked past. My heart broke for her. For most of those girls actually. Their school starts at 7:40am, they are up, ready to go, and that glammed by 7:40am!
Somewhere in this ramble of a blog is meaning. I know it's there. Girls have way to much pressure put on them. They look like runway models while the teenage boys, look like teenage boys. There's girls crying for being called a whore. Somewhere, somehow, some time soon, we've got to reclaim our girls. The meanness starts so young, and the damage lasts too long. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look your best, but the odd thing was, they all looked the same. Same clothes, same straight hair, same eyeliner, similar clothing, similar purses, all huddled in similar looking groups.
The pressure these girls have on them, where is it coming from? From TV? From each other? Will they, in 13 years, visit a high school and think the same thing? Will they remember crying in an office after being called a whore? Will they remember breaking the heart of a girl by calling her a whore? Will they remember the early mornings to get themselves just so? Or will the hurt disappear and becoming meaningless? Will they only remember the good times and the ones that mattered? Will they be lucky enough to have that one best friend "since 10th grade"? What will the remember? What will stay with them? What will be forgotten and what will be ingrained?
3 comments:
They will remember the hurt. If they had more good times than bad, they will remember them too. Not every one will have a best friend but some of them will find friends worth keeping even as life changes them. They will probably keep struggling with what it means to be a woman, what it means to be feminine for years to come. So many hours spent trying to meet others' expectations. The only self defense I know of is self esteem. What can we do to really promote that concept - for women, for teens, for the smallest girl? Self esteem breeds confidence. Self esteem breeds growth and learning and self awareness. Self esteem helps women look back at high school and say it was ok, but my like now is even more fulfilling.
I agree. As a mom of a 12 year old (especially a 12 year old who doesn't fit the "perfect" mold)I am terrified. All I really want for her is to make through High school with who she really is still intact. I want her to be true to herself reagardless of all the ugliness and pressure and meanness. The pressure is insane and it starts early :(
How sad..
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