When you think of me, do you see 17?

I heard this new song from Eric Church. One of the lines was "When you think of me, do you see 17? So in the car on the way home I was writing a letter to my 17-18 year old self.

Oh late teen self. You don't know it all. When mom says it's a bad idea to move into that little apartment, she's right. It's really wrong of you to leave a letter on the bathroom sink telling her you're old enough. You're not and you don't move anyway, drop it. She's going to be right about 90% of the time. Just deal with that. Turns out you'll like her. A lot.

You don't need to deal with him or his crap. He has no bearing on your future. In fact you've never even seen a picture of him. Nor will you see him after the year 2000. Oh, and the test turns out negative. Don't stress. He's a jerk. However, he's the reason you quit school and leave town. All in all that turns out well!

You should get to know your brother a bit more. Sure he's weird and bites people's ankles and hisses at them. There's a reason people call him Cat. But he's got some trouble coming and maybe if you were closer you could have talked him out of it. However, you get two beautiful nieces out of the deal. (yeah, I know he has kids, it's still shocking)

That one hangs around in your memory. It ended well. Even when you finally see a picture of him and his wife and daughter, he'll always be 18 to you.

He comes back around. I know you're growing bored and tired of it all. Hang in there. He leads you to the man who will become your amazing husband. Despite what your mother says, you're not to shallow to date someone shorter than you. That's one of the times she's wrong.

Don't mock those people reading Harry Potter. Just don't. Trust me.

Your dad has some health scares. Get to know him better. He becomes an amazing grandfather. Oh yes, you make him a grandfather many times over.

You'll never get over rearranging your room when you're stressed or bored. You just get a bigger house and more rooms. 

Don't ever say to a foster parent "I just couldn't give them back, it would break my heart." It's a phrase that will haunt you in a few years.

Both G & G will disappoint you, terribly. Don't bother with that trip to Florida with two babies while you're pregnant. (Yeah, that makes three)

Family won't be the people who you share blood with. Some of them stick around but by far family will be friends God brings into your life. And babies you don't give birth too. They will be awesome.

Speaking of God, you two will get real close, it just takes a few years of trying to do it yourself. 

Homeschoolers are not all weird. No need to say you'll never do that.

Don't worry about never getting to go the parties and have cool stories. The fear mom puts into you will stick around, thankfully you'll never be a drinker. And you only try pot once, it's a fail. You're dreadfully boring in that aspect and all the better for it.

You never name your son Benjamin, I don't know why, you just won't like it anymore. 

Seek out Brandy in a few years. She's the only one that sticks around from then until now. She'll need your help and you'll be to wrapped up in your little family to help her. Pay attention. When she comes back around you two will be friends like no other! Also she doesn't marry him, don't worry. When her husband comes along you'll really like him. And her kids. (yes, plural)

Self, the life you're going to start very soon will be so amazing. As you type this letter, your two foster children are crying and your husband took the three older boys to CubScouts. You just got back from a two hour ENT appointment, and you couldn't be happier. I guess if you change anything back then it will alter today. So don't change a thing!

Oh yeah, get rid of those jeans as soon as you find out you're pregnant, they are never going on again, and in four years they will depress you, just toss them.

Love,
Me.