Somewhere Else

Our joy is visible, you can even feel it. Our sweet M is home. The baby we've had since he was 35 days old. Until he was 6 months old, we thought he was ours. From 6 months to 9 months he had visits. From 9 months to 12 months he was with his family more than us. For 2 weeks he was not with us at all. Now he's home. We are so thankful and so joyful to have him!

However, I am constantly reminded that somewhere else, there are people mourning. There is a family who no longer has him. He's such an amazing little boy. I wish...well I don't know what I wish. It's so emotional.

It's the life of foster care. While we're happy to have a child, somewhere there is someone who no longer has their child. And yes, I realize there is a reason why we have these kids. No one removes children from a happy loving family. I get that. It doesn't make it easier sometimes. There's a sadness that hangs over these children and families like us.

So while we lose ourselves in the joy of having M home. The joy of raising sweet Ladybug and M together, more than my heart could even have thought of, there is a sadness.

They don't look like us, because they were not born to us. They, in their short little lives, have been removed, moved, visited, moved again. I pray they come to rest here. This is their home. We are their family. I am their mama. And yet, somewhere there is a mama and a family with empty arms and empty photo frames.

So while my heart mainly sings, there is a tiny part that weeps for what they are missing. And a teeny tiny part that feels guilty that I get to experience these amazing kids and they no longer do.