Keep Calm And....

Carlee had her three year check up! THREE! I hate their forms we have to fill out. They assume your child is developing normally. I had to check 'not yet' on everything. But she said she looks good, and she's making tiny gains. Nothing that a chart can see, but the doctor could see it. We have the surgery tomorrow!!!!!!

My big boys went off to camp yesterday. I didn't have a problem sending Shane last year, but sending Jackson was a killer. He's a year younger than when Shane went, but he's my baby. So quiet and thoughtful. He was so excited to go. I know he'll be fine, but it's just so quiet here with only three. Matthew is already at a loss without his Shane. He's walking around "SHANE SHANE SHANE" and trying to get outside, thinking he's out there. It's going to be a long week. Then Shane leaves again for 7 days at Boy Scout camp. Poor Mattie is going to have a breakdown.

Speaking of Matthew. His new insurance card came in the mail. His old card was the last thing with his old name on it. I never again have to use his old last name and get stares and glares and questions. He's just Matthew A. now :) I couldn't be happier. I know one day I'll have to explain it all to him, but at least it will be my choice, not because some cashier says "Oh is he that baby!"

Prepare to be Wrong!

I came across this Ted Talk. A lot of his points struck home with me. A child who can't sit still, he needs to move to think. Ignoring the arts. Only focusing on making adults into workers and not thinkers. As my eldest son enters middle school, and after seven years of homeschooling, I'm changing my mind. Not on homeschooling, but on how I homeschool. We are using a new technique this year. I hope they will be able to not only read the classics, and do their math, but create, and try, and fail, and succeed. My favorite quote from this Ted Talk was "If you're not prepared to be wrong, you'll never come up with something original." He goes on to say that the school system and later your job makes a mistake the worst thing that could happen. So when we are afraid to fail, we don't try, and nothing new happens. It's an idea I wrestle with. My trying something new could fail my children, but what if I don't fail. What if we come up with a great new way to learn? To read. To write. To understand. To explain. To create. To be original.

A Ton of Bricks.

I stumbled onto a special needs blog, Love that Max.
She had a list of 20 reasons moms of special needs children "rock". I listed a few of my favorites.

6. Because we gracefully handle the stares, the comments, the rude remarks. Well, mostly gracefully.

9. Because we aren’t just moms, wives, cooks, cleaners, chauffeurs, women who work. We are moms, wives, cooks, cleaners, chauffeurs, women who work, physical therapists, speech therapists, occupational therapists, teachers, researchers, nurses, coaches, and cheerleaders. Whew.

11. Because we also worry overtime, but we work it through. Or we eat chocolate or Pirate's Booty or gourmet cheese, which aren't reimbursable by insurance as mental-health necessities but should be

18. Because just when it seems like things are going OK, they're suddenly not OK, but we deal. Somehow, we always deal, even when it seems like our heads or hearts might explode.

source

As I realized that I related to about 90% of her list, the realization smacked me in the head like the cliched "ton of bricks." I am a special needs mom. My daughter has special needs. After this week, my daughter will be considered "medically fragile." If this had all happened a year ago, they wouldn't have called me for Carlee. We aren't "medically fragile" or "therapeutic" trained or approved. Our home wouldn't have been chosen for her. We wouldn't have been the best match. And yet, here we are. Three days away from a surgery that will flip our lives. Our daughter has officially been ours for just over a month. God's timing was rather perfect. She's ours and no surgeries or new titles or labels can take her away. I really have no idea what I'm doing. I read, and read, and read all I can about her issues, but they are so unique. I research therapies and surgeries and toys until my eyes and head hurt. We go to appointment after appointment. I've gotten really good at knowing which doctors have the least wait time, and how to get in when we need to be seen. And it dawns on me, it's just starting. She's three years old. She's dealt with more in the those three years than most people deal with in a lifetime. Her trauma and her medical issues, I've had my gall bladder out, that's it. Her needs outweigh everything I've known. And anything I ever thought I'd be dealing with.

I'm about to get down to business. Two boys go off to camp this week. I'll have a day and half to whip this house into order, throw some freezer meals in the deep freeze, and get the laundry done. When we come home from the hospital, it's all going to be different. It's a surgery I've wanted her to have for a long time. Something she desperately needs. But I'm nervous. It's all new terrain for us. We will still be heading to Baltimore for yet more ways to help her. Maybe the tube will get to come out. Maybe it won't. Maybe she'll talk someday. Maybe she won't. I'll never stop hoping for her, pushing her, or praying for her. So this becomes our new normal. Heh, who said normal was fun anyway!

Happy 3rd Birthday!

NICU photo.

 Three years ago somewhere in my town a baby girl, I didn't know, was being born very very early. She was 2lbs. 7oz. She spent and fought for six weeks in the NICU, 2 days with a grandmother, 1 year with her birth mother and a foster family, 7 months with her Great Aunt and Uncle, her aunt, all who loved her, but made the best choice for her to move her. Then one day God brought her to us. Our tiny princess. Carlee, you have fought hard all your life and you're a miracle and a suvivior. You have forever altered our loves and we love more than words can say. Happy 3rd birthday baby girl!

Beautiful weighted quilt.

Enjoying her cupcakes.

July 4th Part Duex.

July 4th Afternoon/Evening. Fun fun fun! Matthew got a kick out of the sparklers and smaller fireworks. He wasn't a big fan of the loud ones. We woke Carlee up and brought her out to enjoy the night with us. I managed to get a few cute pictures of my crew. It's the first holiday that they are all officially ours! She started seizing even without seeing the fireworks. I really despise seizures and every time she has one, I get so angry, because it didn't have to be this way. I know the anger does me no good, but when she suffers it makes me so sad. I was glad she was with us though, I don't want her to miss anything. She's our lovebug! It was a beautiful day, full of fun and laughter and the best part, my whole family together.

July 4th!

 Happy 4th of July! My little firecracker got to wear her new dress. I've had this dress forever, but I've kept it under lock and key for July 4th so it would stay clean! Add in her cute little bow and white sandals. In the words of Molly Weasley "I'm all a dither." She's so blasted cute. I can't stand it! :) Speaking of fireworks, nothing says Happy Birthday America like literally blowing up money. We always say we aren't going to do fireworks and then we buy some last minute and spend too much money! We're laying the babies down at normal bed time and then waking them up when it gets dark enough. Not sure what Carlee will think, but I know Matthew will love them! To top off this wonderful day, I saw a sign today. "Fill a Basket of Books for $9.99" I filled. :) I got 32 books and a Bible. There was a 15% sale too, it came to $8.94 or .27 cents a book! The Bible alone was $12.99 (Ollie's price and $32.99 regular price). So excited.

The big one is only ONE firework.

BOOKS!

And She Babbles On

 So after a long three days of testing. We are done. Pretty sure my head exploded a time or two, but we survived. We rewarded ourselves with Sonic Blasts. I sent out our test Priority Mail. We have to have our paperwork in on August 1st. I don't usually push it so close, but I think we'll make it by the skin of our teeth. In other news. I found a really cool box order system. My friend facebooked about it. It's called Julep. It's an awesome self care box. In my first box I received two full size nail polishes and a cuticle cream. The box was fun and pretty as well. The nail polish is very luxuriously. Two coats and I had one teeny chip. Not to bad consider I chase about five kids, a dog, and two cats all the time. Each box is $19.95 and free shipping. They let you know when they are shipping the next package so you cancel or hold a shipment if you want or need to. The boxes are up to a $50 value. I will be excited for my next box! We are all set to enjoy our 4th! Johnny is off for four whole days, it's nearly a vacation! We even get a lunch date with Carlee. I'm hoping to get my headboard and footboard painted this weekend!! I'm sick of blonde wood. Can't wait for some color! Okay, that's probably enough rambling for now. These tests fried my brain. :)